i havent got what you might call a photographic memory.
to be honest i couldnt even tell you what i had for breakfast this morning.
im the kind of person who would go to a football match on a saturday afternoon and will have forgotten the score by the time i got home.
but there are some things i can remember very clearly.
everything about her.
i remember fancying her from a far for almost a year.
even though i never knew her properly.
i remember how long it took me to convince her to come out with me.
and i remember jumping for joy when she finally agreed.
and that tram ride on the way to our first meeting will stick in my mind forever.
my heart pounding like the ghost of john bonham was doing a drum solo inside of me.
and then i got off the tram.
i saw her.
she was standing there with bright red hair and a bright red coat to match.
then she smiled at me.
it was the most beautiful smile i have ever seen.
my heart melted like an ice lolly on an hot august afternoon.
from that moment i was addicted.
she was my drug.
then she spoke.
one simple word.
one beautiful word.
her voice was like the most beautiful song i ever heard.
it was like hearing your all your favorate singers together on one big beautiful stage singing all of your favorate songs at once.
as we walked through wolverhampton on a wet winter saturday afternoon it felt like summer in my heart.
i remember that first coffee we had together.
we had the most amazing chat.
we hit it off perfectly.
it was like we had known each other forever.
she was like every friend ive ever had rolled into one.
that day was perfect.
if you were to look up the phrase"perfect first date" this would be it,
i remember saying our goodbyes.
i did want to say goodbye.
as her bus pulled up she presented me with a painting she did for me.
it was inspired by one of my poems
that gesture meant te world to me.
that painting still remains one of my most treasured posessions.
i remember her bus pulling away.
as i waved her off i had four words in my head.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
all the way home it rained.
i didnt care.
the tram was late.
i didnt care.
i recieved a text message saying my football team had lost.
i didnt care.
i felt like a winner.
so i just didnt care.
nothing could of brought me down.
i remember getting off the tram.
walking along the canal.
as i walked.
i couldnt help myself.
i just had to do it.
i just stood there opened up my arms and shouted.
IM SEAN GOULD AND IM THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
fortunatley i was only heard by a rather confused looking mallard.
from that day i was smitten.
i wrote some of my best poetry.
all inspired by her.
she was my muse.
from there on it was great.
we texted each other hourly.
every time we met i thought i was in heaven.
i remember valentines day.
i had an annonymus card.
i knew it was from her.
i compared the writing to all the letters and cards she had sent to me before.
which i happily treasured.
and when my suspicions were confirmed of course i was delighted.
sadly i was working valentines night.
but the following saturday.
we made up for it.
she made the best meal i have ever tasted.
they say the way to a mans eart is through his stomach.
this would of been true.
but she had already won my heart.
after the meal.
i felt like a king.
with my red haired queen sitting next to me.
i remember that night with a tear in my eye.
it was the happiest i have ever been.
all those silly things we did over the following months.
i remember evrything so fondley.
silly little things.
just lying on the bed doing a wordsearch.
sweet little things like that make me smile.
the way she would play around with my science fiction colectable figures.
i would of killed anyone one else for doing the same.
but not her.
she could of gotten away with anything.
those little things we did.
shopping was fun.
we would go our own way in hmv.
and then at the chckout how we would laugh when we both brought the same dvd.
or how she would laugh when i was too embarassed to buy underpants infrot of her but she freely brought knickers with me by her side and i couldnt help picturing in her them.
and i couldnt stop laughing when she showed me her bra in a pub.
she was somthing else.
i loved every moment with her.
there was this one afternoon we made these great big chocolate deserts but we couldnt finish them as they were so sickley.
afterwards we sat watching bad comedy movies from our childhood.
and one of the best nights out i ever had was going to this really classy restruant with her.
and how she laughed at the fact i had never hd an irish coffee.
that coffee warmed my stomach.
she warmed my heart.
but not for much longer.
that night was one of the last times i ever saw her.
im not exactly sure what happened between us.
but i guess the bubbles in the champaigne go flat sooner or later.
but im just glad i got to feel the fizz of those bubbles for a short time.
i cant remember many things.
but i remember her.
how can i forget her?
i see girls i think are her all the time.
theres a word in every sentence that reminds me of her.
every song i hear.
i find something i can relate to her.
i still have the cards and letters she sent.
i look at the painting she gave me every day.
i still have her picture on my mobile phone.
we still occaisionally text each other.
my heart still pounds every time we speak.
i remember her.
i remember how she made me feel.
i remember how it hurt when she said those three words.
lets be friends.
but i still remember her.
why would i want to forget her?
The Final Curtain - "Bring me Sunshine"
7 years ago